muses

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.
Ps 51:17

This is a verse taken from my favourite Psalm. I guess many would find it strange that this is my favourite. Those who know this book in the Bible would know it’s a collection of Hebrew poetry and hymns, and this particular Psalm was written by a man, King David to be exact, after he was exposed of his sins of adultery and murder by the prophet Nathan. In it, David confessed of his sin and pled for God’s restoration of a steadfast spirit and the joy of his salvation. So why do I love this Psalm above others that exalt God for His deliverance, His almighty power, and His vindication? Because this Psalm is my prayer when I know that I have sinned but feel no sorrow. When I feel no godly sorrow for my sins, I take on David’s prayer. Verse 17 says that God despises not a broken and contrite heart; when there is no brokenness, I ask God to break me. I guess it’s better to pray this than to come before Him with a cursory prayer for cleansing of my sins.

A broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart are the sacrifices of God. In a recent revelation, I realised that He actually wants brokenness, but why? In the OT, God only accepts whole flawless sacrifices, and he would not be please with flawed offerings. Yet, according to verse 17, He will not despise a broken heart. Crushed to pieces, as the Hebrew dictionary puts it. If God does not crush the heart, I don’t think it would be pliable to His word, willing to submit and obey.

Abba, if that is so, break my heart so that I would come under your will.

Lord, my heart is prone to wander,
prone to leave the God I love
Here’s my heart; Lord, take and seal it,
seal it for Thy courts above

*LOL* Pardon me for the blog entry title, but i guess that is what i should say since i haven’t updated this blog for ages… So what happened this few months? Erm… I began to learn what it means to be an authentic Christian, i got transferred to another department, dealing with my own insecurities as i toil (ok lah, that’s an exaggeration) at my new department… lots happened but thank God that i can be hidden with Christ in God (Col 3:3).

You know what? I didn’t live as an authentic Christian, methinks. This revelation came to me when I sat thru the May Adult Fellowship session. A simple recap of what i learnt:

What authentic Christianity is not:
1) To equate spiritual accomplishment with relationship with God
- i fell into this mental snare as a young Christian. I was one of the first in my Foundation Class to start serving (first in events, then as a Motivator), went for mission trips, etc. And i thought that it meant that i got things right. Hey, if i am given serving portions, it means that my relationship with God is right, isn’t that wight Wrong. But that was what I thought. And now, as I see my peers and even younger siblings growing in their service, i know that my focus was on the wrong things…
2) To equate spiritual effectiveness we have on others with relationship with God
- Erm… I don’t really have a problem with this, ’cause I don’t think I have much of an influence on others. Ha.
3) Activating relationship with God in the Christian community
- Hmmm… Do i?

What authentic Christianity is:
Our relationship with God = God and God alone
- I think I must consistently ask myself if I am growing in my relationship with God. I just attended a session the past Monday, where a sister’s exhortation kinda disturbed me. Sometimes we think that having our regular Quiet Time (which i try very much to keep to) and prayer means that our relationship with God is alright. But do we really know God in our every day? Do i experience that daily encountering of God with a personal revelation of His word through my meditation, or encountering His presence as I spend time in closet prayer? I can say candidly that during this period, I don’t. In fact, it frustrates me that my heart has greater affections for a physical yet unfamiliar person than the intangible yet personal God. But I am keeping at my spiritual disciplines. I can only ask that He let me encounter Him. Every day and in things that are everyday.