muses

Man’s maker was made man

that He, Ruler of the stars, might nurse at His mother’s breast;

that the Bread might hunger, (John 6:35; Mark 11:12)

the fountain thirst, (John 4:13-14; John 19:28-29)

the Light sleep, (John 14:6; Matt 8:24)

the Way be tired on its journey; (John 14:6; John 4:6)

that Truth might be accused of false witnesses, (John 14:6; Matt 26:59-60)

the teacher be beaten with whips, (Matt 23:10; John 19:1)

the Foundation be suspended on wood; (1 Cor 3:11; Mark 15:24-27)

that Strength might grow weak; (Phil 4:13; John 4:6)

that the Healer might be wounded; (Matt 4:23; Matt 26:67)

that Life might die. (John 14:6; Luke 23:46)

St. Augustine

Once again, somebody remarked yesterday that I’m a very organised person. I hate to destroy this positive image that others have of me, but I AM NOT AN ORGANISED PERSON!!! In fact, my life is usually swirling in chaos. I would only remember my appointments in my head, while leaving my calendar-and-organiser empty and unused. And I would have sporadic bursts of things in cerebral faculty that I have to do, but I usually don’t get down to making notes, less to say executing them. And when people are making plans to dispense their responsibilities for the coming week, I would just take one day at a time.

I can’t keep count of the numerous times that I bought off the shelf, or even designed and made my own organiser so that I could be more organised in my life. They usually end up all but forgotten on the desk or buried under my stuff in the bag. In fact, I’m so bent on getting my life in order that I’m considering another means of organisation: a PDA. Even as I type, I’m looking at the iPaq models on the Internet. Yet, somehow I’m sceptical of the frequency that I would utilise this gadget even if I do get one. You can have all the right tools, but if the nature isn’t organised, what’s their use anyway?

Today’s sermon in Rom 5:1-11 mentioned the sufferings and afflictions for Christians, and there are many other passages in the Bible that speak of rejoicing in our sufferings, persecution for the godly, etc. I admit that I have wondered why some Christians live in poverty, get retrenched, get cancer, and as Philip Yancey helpfully pointed out, Christians die at the same rate as everyone else: 100%.

I suppose I may never understand in this earthly life why God would choose to use sufferings in the life of Christians to achieve the fulfilment of His will. But
His ways are much higher than my ways.

For other faiths, suffering is perhaps merely a repercussion of bad deeds, and many give offerings and pray to evade suffering in their lives. Yet as a Christian, I have to contend with the fact that suffering is ‘assured’ for true believers. Should a Christian welcome suffering then? It seems like such an unnatural thing when nobody likes to suffer. My adult care group had a mini debate over this during our sharing after sermon, and to me, the answer is still inconclusive. Yes, Paul the Apostle was prepared for the sufferings he faced during his trips and even delighted in them (2 Cor. 12:10), but we should never say, ‘Come, O suffering!’ for the sake of suffering. Even for Paul, his will was not to seek suffering, but rather, his desire was to gain Christ, to know Him even through the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings. So, what should it mean for me?

I dare not say that I am prepared for any suffering that God will bring upon my way, but I’m grateful that through the years, God has changed my heart, from being unwilling to suffer, to accepting that I will have to suffer if I call myself His follower. I just pray that I will know Christ in the midst of my suffering.

How does one see the worth of the Gospel in me? I mean, what difference has knowing Jesus Christ made in my life? Because sometimes I wonder what are the issues others perceive as I live as a self-professed Christian. Do they see Christ? Do they see holiness? Or perhaps they only see one who is busy with church, Bible studies, meetings and the lot during weekends and after work. I don’t want to measure my Christian living against my own yardstick, but I can’t help but ask myself these questions. Do I see more of Christ in myself? No; frankly, the longer I have lived as a Christian, the more I have discovered how sinful I am. Have you ever been disappointed and disgusted by yourself? Sometimes you think you knew better, but you did it anyway. Such is the propensity of humans towards sin.

When Jesus and His disciples mingled with the ‘sinners’ of that time, the teachers of the Law ask Him why they did so. He answered, ‘It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.’ I am the sick who needs His healing.

There were just two incidents in the gospels that mentioned Jesus was amazed, and both incidents revolved around one theme: faith. Mark 6:1-6 narrates the lack of faith among the people of Jesus’ hometown and hence Jesus performed only a few miracles there. Verse 6 says that Jesus was amazed at their lack of faith. In contrast, the faith of a non-Jewish Centurion in Luke 7:1-10 amazed Jesus so much so that he proclaimed that he had not found such great faith even in Israel (and Jesus healed the Centurion’s servant without going to him). Yes, the irony was such that those who knew and saw Jesus did not believe in Him, yet those who had never seen him had such great faith.

I wonder why faith amazed Jesus. I suppose (with my tiny and finite brain) that Jesus, being the Word through whom all things were made (John 1:3), knows the unbelief that resides in the heart of fallen man who cannot see Him. The belief that is displayed contrary to human nature (and may I add, is sinful human nature) is surprising.

People have told me that if God wants them to believe in Him, He should have just made Himself more visible. But when we insist that God comes to us in our own terms, I think it just reeks of impudence.