muses

Cinema

Both Singlish and Hokkien versions are amusing. He, he…

Towards the end of the course, everyone in the team was supposed to give feedback to others with regards to their strengths and weaknesses. Ok, I wasn’t too surprised with the feedback that I got, because that was the self that I portrayed to the 11 strangers during the 3-day course. Amongst the weaknesses that they feedback-ed to me was that I was too quiet and appeared aloof and unapproachable. I would say that they are true. Studies have shown that woman speak an average of 7,000 words every day (compared to the 2,000 spoken by man). I think I say less than half of the 7,000. Frankly, I have yet to go through much of life to share experiences worthy to speak of. And I do think that people shouldn’t just speak but to really say something. So, when I don’t have worthy things to say, I just shut up. Period.

Yes, I appeared aloof and unapproachable during the course because I didn’t smile nor chat much. And I know that I have that problem too. People think I’m tao or something because I don’t usually smile. But that’s me! I’m melancholic! Aiyah! But I have been thinking: if I want to share with others the joy that I have in knowing Christ, that should affect my demeanor, right? Haiz. But frankly, I have never asked God to change my melancholic demeanor (and still retain the strengths of a melancholic ). Perhaps I should.

Then someone said that I’m an organised person. I’m always filled with unbelief when people say that I’m organised because I would then juxtapose those words with images of the mess I have made in my room. Ok, maybe I’m detailed, but definitely not organised. Hmmm… or maybe that’s because I’m just untidy. Ha, ha…

Hello everyone, I’m back from Pulau Ubin OBS! Alive and in one piece. Yippee! I make it sound like the experience will take your life, don’t I? Ha, ha… But seriously, I think everyone should go through an OBS course once in his/her lifetime if given the opportunity. But yes, just once is enough. Trust me. And you would never know how much you could push yourself physically till you go through it. It is really physically strenuous, especially for someone like me who doesn’t exercise regularly. But I am proud (tsk, tsk) to say that I survived a 10 metre inclined-rock wall climb, 6 hours of kayaking around 3/4 of the island, building a raft and actually travelling with my team mates on it over 1 km, and other activities. And I brought back with me a mild tan (thanks to the potent sunblock that I slapped over my skin), a few bruises from the rock climb, and of course, a sore body.

Then there were the lessons. Yah, this was supposed to be a leadership course, and I did learn about personal leadership and communication. But I resist the idea of being a leader. Trust me: I’m born a follower. Give me instructions and you can depend on me to follow them faithfully. But lead? Sorry, I think I would end up doing things myself instead of delegating. And even if I do delegate, it would come across as more of ordering and lording rather than asking. Haiz. But of course, I’m a management associate; that’s why I was sent for the course. Haiz.

I saw people in my team who really have the flair of leaders. Frankly, they looked so confident. And self-sufficient. Then I wondered that if I have their self-sufficiency, would I still want God? And I know that, if given a choice between being either a self-sufficient leader or a weak being who knows God, I would still want to be weak and know God, even though I hate feeling weak. Why? ‘Cause one can display all the attributes of a competent leader, but s/he would still be a creature, a creature has but a transient existence on this earth and will face the judgment of the Creator. And what follows is for eternity. So tell me: if you understood this, would you not choose God?

So it has been 2 weeks since my last update and I thought that I should have this update before I leave for my OBS trip, lest I die during that and didn’t leave any last words. Ha, ha, sounds pessimistic, but I don’t mind dying young so that I can see Jesus sooner. Anyway, I’ll be going with my colleagues and will be on this professional development programme. Don’t know what the management are thinking lah, but I can tell you that we are the guinea pigs. But if we have to do this, I better go through it when I’m young (I’m one of the youngest… he, he.) Should be quite exciting lah, but even during this period of time, I’m seeking God with regard to certain directions in serving. I haven’t heard anything from the Lord yet, and I will still be seeking during the OBS training. In fact, I was joking with some one (can’t remember who) that I can still continue to pray while doing the flying fox or rock challenge. ‘God, if I land on my left foot, it means this… If I land on my right, it means that…’ HAHA! Hope I don’t stumble anyone; as much as God can work through circumstances to show us His will, we shouldn’t limit God to these ways. Hmmm… I’ll share some other time on how God answered me, ok?

Oh, oh, I almost forgot my last words. I love my family. I love my friends. Thank you, God, for blessing me with their lives. My biggest wish is that they will all come to the knowledge of the truth, that is, the saving grace of Jesus Christ. Please sing some joyful hymns at my funeral. I have got much more to say, but due to time constraints, I won’t. If God is willing, I will be back. Ha, ha.

Last Sunday’s sermon was once again about the day of the Lord, as Joel prophesied. Yes, I am convinced that there will be that day that the Lord Jesus Christ will return and we will all be judged. Although I am filled with hope in anticipating His return, dread also wells up within me. Matthew 24 makes known the signs of the end of the age, and honestly, they terrify me. Persecutions would be prevalent, wickedness rampant, and heresies, the order of the day. In fact, according to verse 22, if God had not cut short those days, no one would survive.

While the physical suffering is one thing, what scares me most is judgment. I know that if I have died with Christ and now live in Him, and He in me, I will be able to stand before God, covered with Christ’s righteousness. I need to live with the end in mind, watching my every day. That’s why repentance was constantly highlighted throughout the sermon series for the book of Joel. I’m learning to work out my repentance daily. Please bear with me while I do so… What I am afraid most is that there are loved ones in my life whom I know are headed towards an eternity without Christ if they are not saved. I do not have the words to describe the gravity of the consequence; all I know is that I am let to pray for my family regularly for their salvation because I can scarcely bear to think of their destiny otherwise.