muses

Because of one person’s lapse in judgment, she gave my mobile number to someone on Sunday. And now, I’ve been receiving unsolicited calls from that person every day (it’s unfortunate that she doesn’t have a sound mind - but all the more that peoples’ numbers aren’t passed to her indiscriminately). Don’t people have a sense of responsibility to keep the contact numbers of others anymore? I think it’s just plain rude, and now I have to suffer the consequence of someone’s irresponsibility. So remember, my dear readers, don’t give a person’s contact number away without asking him/her first. It’s manners, you know.

First of all, Meiyun - thank you for calling me last night and checking on my TV-watching. Yes, this is what accountability is about. Some are adverse to accountability because they think it’s policing. But if you are really concerned about your own actions, then I don’t think you should be afraid to be checked. I’m not anyway…

.

But I must say that yesterday was a day that the Lord reminded me of His work in my life. Just like verse 2 in John 15:1-16, my Quiet Time passage yesterday, my Heavenly Father prunes me so that I would be more fruitful. When I had only prayed to grow in love for my sheep, God desired that I should love even the unlovable. Someone got into a bit of a fix and called me for help. I was impatient and lost my temper at her. I realised that if I want to help her, I have to get out of the way to do so. But verse 13 says this, ‘Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.’ Jesus demonstrated His sacrificial love by dying on the Cross. I can’t say that I love that sister, but I know that God wants me to die as well. He wants me to die so that I would care for those who can’t reciprocate my love, and to care for those who may never change.

When I was confronted with the word of God, the tension in my heart was great. Yet, the same verse and thought lingered in my mind. Christ loves the unlovable, such as I, that on the Cross He had chosen to die. I was challenged to do the same, and I will say that I want to do so. I want to learn to care for this sister. It will be difficult and painful; in fact, I know that my natural self is not inclined to love. Love is a strange thing to me, and I really began to understand love after becoming a believer. But I know that my weakness can be overcome when I remain in Jesus (verses 4-5).

Something happened after dinner on Saturday’s Youth Fellowship. My Quality Caring Partnership group (or affectionately known as QCP, for the uninitiated) came together for a time of spontaneous song fellowship. And I must admit, rather embarrassingly, that the time was rather awkward as we weren’t prepared for the time. I must say that it’s been some time that I have been in a spontaneous fellowship time where I left the time refreshed and edified (not counting those structured inter-QCP times). It’s more likely that people (including me) would be found in some form of meetings after Youth Fellowship than in spontaneous fellowship these days. Otherwise, we would make ourselves busy with other times. Perhaps we are afraid that we would be found doing nothing yet not fellowshipping (maybe that’s why some people leave right after dinner).

Rather than pointing the finger at others, I know that I have contributed to the situation. I didn’t prepare myself for such times, nor did I rally others to be found in such fellowships with me. And I am afraid that we still hold such perceptions that spontaneous fellowships means that it happens naturally, without plan. I know that my perception must change: spontaneous fellowship is spontaneous as it happens outside the fixed corporate times or structures, but not that it is without plan. If I desire that it should benefit others in the fellowship as much as I want to receive during that time, then we should all come prepared. Rather than merely grieving over the state of things now, I guess that I should ask myself if I want to be a catalyst for change. So is there any brave soul who will join me?

P.S. Please keep me accountable on the number of hours that I spent watching TV. It’s scandalous to even to reveal it on my blog. I think I watched TV from 630pm to 11pm tonight (with time out for shower and some work on the laptop). I just sat in front of the TV passively. Now, that is bad. I MUST repent…

Previously, I wrote in my blog about the quality of my sleep and how I prayed for uninterrupted sleep at night. But after these two weeks, if there’s one thing that I have learned, in the end, uninterrupted sleep is not the crux of activity or productivity. On those days where I had hours of continuous sleep, I would nod off at work. Conversely, there were days where sleep was interrupted, but I could still work effectively in the end. It was the Lord who sustained me in those days, and He’s the One who continues to do so now. On those mornings where I didn’t rest well the nights before, I would despair and plead for the strength of the Lord. And He always answers my prayer (so much so that I couldn’t sleep during the lunch breaks that I intended to nap). So I relearned one thing that my discipler taught me before: I should not put my confidence in the number of hours that I could sleep, but the Lord who gives me strength.

But don’t get me wrong now: Just because the Lord is the One who grants me strength, do I live carelessly and not take care of my health? No, as I shared in the previous entry, I need to take care of my body, which is the temple of the Holy Spirit. And there have been ones who have reminded me of this resolution. To you, I say, thank you.

Yesterday was supposed to be my first guitar lesson, but I gave it a miss. Reason was that I was nursing a migraine and had purged out my breakfast in a series of throwing up. Don’t worry about me; I’ve had such ailments since I was a teenager. I’m especially susceptible to migraines when I’m tired, and I think yesterday’s situation was rather bad as it was coupled with indigestion. And when I was contemplating whether I should attend the guitar lesson, I consulted a couple of people. One of them, my Christian colleague, said that I should take care of my body, which is the temple of the Holy Spirit. I couldn’t agree more. Yet, I must candidly admit that I haven’t been doing so. Exercise is the last thing on my mind, and late nights are the norm for me. In fact, the night before the bout of migraine and nausea, I slept at 1230am as I wanted to catch the late night telecast of American Idol. (But I gave up due to tiredness and the not-so-entertaining performances). So I blame it on myself for the state of my health. The next time you see me, do remind me to take care of the temple, ya?