muses

My recent word meditation discussion as well as the Sunday Sermon touched on the fear of God. Since I do not want to see it as a mere coincidence, I decided that I should re-read the book titled ‘the Joy of Fearing God’ by Jerry Bridges (especially when I couldn’t carry on with C.S. Lewis’ The Problem of Pain’ after his soul-sapping ‘The Screwtape Letters’). And I saw that it was one of those rare books where I highlighted and made notes in the book. I enjoyed the book after the first reading, and with the second, I discovered gems that I overlooked previously. A couple of sentences from the first chapter reads, ‘Any sphere of knowledge you’re engaged in – every aspect of your workaday world – should be to you as a believer a source of wonder and worship and should be used as a means of glorifying God. And it will be if you enjoyed the fear of God.’ Before this, the author used the example of how his discovery of the intricacies of the human ear anatomy while waiting at the doctor’s office brought him to fellowship with God spontaneously. I guess I’m attracted to this example because I desire to have such spontaneous personal worship, yet it rarely occurs. Somehow, I have lost the wonder of discovery. Perhaps it’s because of my Biology background (well, science does demystify things); or maybe my brain registers such phenomena as amusement rather than amazement due to the desensitising effect of entertainment. I don’t know; I’ve never really gone through any psychoanalysis to find out (‘cause I’m not a psycho… haha…). Never mind.

Anyway, the second sentence mentioned the enjoyment of the fear of God. I did understand that this is Biblically correct and possible after the first reading, but this understanding was superficial. It didn’t travel to the heart, and neither was it worked out. That’s why the perspective of fear was still etched within me as something that’s morbid and repulsive. Even when I knew that Jesus Christ Himself delighted in the fear of the Lord, as Isaiah prophesied (Isa. 1:1-3). It’s not just God delighting in those who fear Him, but the reverse was true as well: Jesus delighted in the fear of God. This fear is defined as reverential awe in the book written by Bridges, which should be a rightful response to God. In addition, an illumination during the word meditation discussion was that, if this is a fear that would keep one close to God, then one would delight in that fear as this fear would guard his/her relationship with God. So I guess the question is whether this relationship with God matters to me, and if so, whether I would seek the right fear of God. My head says yes, and I want my heart to say yes wholeheartedly as well.

Happy New Year, everyone! Now’s the time to feast and celebrate with our family and friends (and I’ve been gorging on bak kwa and pineapple tarts… haiz, I need an exercise plan)! And now I’m just waiting at home for my relatives to come and visit. But I’ll be attending Service later at 4 pm. Hey, there are people who can go to temples to ask for blessings on the first day of the Lunar New Year, so what about going into the House of the Lord with His people to worship God, right? Haha… I don’t think that’s a very good parallel, but this is still the Sabbath day…

Anyway, I had my solitude on stewardship in the office yesterday when I went back to get my laptop. I have forgotten one element of stewardship: the benefit of others. The definition of a steward taught during the class was, ‘one who has been given the responsibility of taking the goods that belong to a higher authority and dispensing it to the people for their benefit.’ I don’t really give time to think of how the things I have can benefit others. Moreover, the problem is that I am inclined to say, ‘it’s my time, it’s my money, it’s my gifts.’ It’s all self-centred. I still need a lot of sanctification in this area if I want to please God in being a good steward. I realised that, even during my response recorded in the notes right after the teachings, I was merely willing to give more time to spiritual disciplines, e.g. prayer, but now, my understanding is that, really, all of my time belongs to God. How can I worship God in all of my time? I think even in having a good night’s sleep would please Him if it means that my body, the temple of the Holy Spirit, is given enough time to rest. But that doesn’t mean that I can indulge myself in sleep lest it turns to sloth or laziness. This really calls for wisdom and discernment, which I believe the one who walks according to God’s truth will know.

Suddenly, I just realised the error in my thoughts: I’ve been so calculative with time because I think I own them and have every right to decide the way that I spend my time. I am wrong: My time belongs to God because He is the One who gives me each moment of breath. I’m a trustee and I have to answer to God how I have spent the time entrusted to me. I should be grateful for the time given to me instead. Yingzhi, what’s the matter with you? How could you forget the lesson of Stewardship from Foundation class? *Sigh* Looks like I have to peruse the notes from that issue soon. Must see when I can have solitude…

I had a good time discussing with my Foundation counselling group yesterday night on the teaching of 2 Sam 11 & 12. We were made to ponder how we have been taking sin lightly and the ways that we want to be watched over by one another. I really thank God for the time, that though our discipler was not around to facilitate, we shared openly with one another. Along the years, we have learned that these open discussions are for our own good, so that we may spur and support one another. Bonds have been built as we learned to share and encourage. And something that was shared yesterday also made me consider my attitude of serving. A sister warned that we should not treat the things that we do for the sake of God as sacrifices, which was a timely reminder. I’ve been inclined to see the things that I do as sacrifices. I mean, there’s always a price to pay, isn’t there? It is especially when we are in this bustling city where 24 hours a day are just not enough (at least for me). But there’s usually a tinge of pride for the giving out of my own self. And there’s also the problem of attitude: the giving is not out of joy. This certainly doesn’t please God. Look at what was spoken to Saul for his compromised sacrifice (1 Sam 15:22):

“Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams.

I need to constantly ask myself: if worship is absent in the whole serving, what’s the point?

This is one of my favourite songs, and it has always ministered to me … after i have sinned. There’s no other place to go but to the Cross. And we sung it yesterday during YF, as part of our worship and response to the 2nd session on ‘Christ, my Righteousness’.

Lead me to the Cross

How can I be free from sin,
Lead me to cross of Jesus
From the guilt, the pow’r, the pain
Lead me to the cross of Jesus.

There’s no other way,
No price I could pay
Simply to the cross I cling.
This is all I need, this is all I plead,
That His blood was shed for me.

How can I know peace within,
Lead me to the cross of Jesus.
Sing a song of joy again,
Lead me to the cross of Jesus.

Flowing from above, all forgiving love
From the Father’s heart to me.
What a gift of grace, His own righteousness
Clothing me in purity.

How can I live day by day,
Lead me to the cross of Jesus.
Following His narrow way
Lead me to the cross of Jesus

I need to remember that i should go to the Cross, not just after i’ve sinned but every day.

***

In today’s Sermon, Prof. Boey continued to share with us the names of God. He brought up that, the word ’sovereign’ did not just mean having the highest power, it also referred to a coin (and I checked it up, it also used to mean a British gold coin worth a pound). Traditionally, it represented that the money had been authorised by the Sovereign (i.e. the ruler), and it would usually bear his image. That reminded me of an episode in the Bible, where the wisdom of Jesus Christ was starkly displayed. Matthew chapter 22, verses 15 to 22 narrate,

“Then the Pharisees went out and laid plans to trap him (i.e. Jesus) in his words. They sent their disciples to him along with the Herodians. “Teacher,” they said, “we know you are a man of integrity and that you teach the way of God in accordance with the truth. You aren’t swayed by men, because you pay no attention to who they are. Tell us then, what is your opinion? Is it right to pay taxes to Caesar or not?”

But Jesus, knowing their evil intent, said, “You hypocrites, why are you trying to trap me? Show me the coin used for paying the tax.” They brought him a denarius, and he asked them, “Whose portrait is this? And whose inscription?”

“Caesar’s,” they replied.

Then he said to them, “Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s, and to God what is God’s.”

When they heard this, they were amazed. So they left him and went away.”

Those coins that bore the image of Caesar belonged to Caesar. But something that Dr. Ravi Zacharias said at a seminar last year on this passage amazed me. Although the Pharisees were told that the coins were Caesar’s, they never bothered to ask what was God’s. If the Pharisees had continued to ask, Jesus might have answered them, as Dr. Zacharias shared, ‘Come nearer. Nearer. Don’t you see what bears the image of God? You bear the image of God.’

I was just so amazed that God’s ownership of mankind has already been weaved into this passage. He created us; we bear His image and we are His. All of us. We have the faculties to think, feel and relate as He does; our souls are eternal as He is eternal. Our physical bodies were supposed to be eternal if not for the fall of man. Problem is that there are some who refuses to acknowledge that God created man, least to even accept that we belong to Him. I am His creation of life = He is my God. And that is something that will not change.